


First Time For Everything

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Dreams, Bottom Castiel, Boy Kissing, Budding Love, Caring Dean, Caring Dean Winchester, Caring Sam, Caring Sam Winchester, Cas makes the first move, Cas taking charge, Crying Castiel, Crying Dean, Dean Needs Love, Depression, Emotional Castiel, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Life sucks sometimes, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Smut, Mortality, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Protective Dean Winchester, Realizing Feelings, Sexiness, Top Dean, Virgin Castiel, first time for Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4590012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saw a tumblr post and thought, hmmm, would be fun if those two were arguing and Cas finds the most efficient way to shut him up :) So with that said it gave me an idea to write a series of 'first times' I would LOVE some suggestions and shoutouts, so anything you wanna see leave a comment!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> pretty please with sugar on top, if you could, leave Kudos and reviews they make me all fuzzy and happy inside :) If people like it, I'll keep writing little one shots of all their 'first times'

They had been shouting, well, mainly Dean was shouting and Cas glaring forward, waiting for his chance. With Cas now human, Dean made it a habit of shouting at him whenever he thought he uselessly put himself in harm’s way.  
“You can’t keep doing this Cas! You’re gonna get yourself killed, and that would be on me! Me! You get that?” Dean growled, pacing around the patch of golden grassy field that the Impala was resting on. The two had taken a case, leaving Sam behind, it was just a good ole’ ghost situation, or so they thought. It ended up being a poltergeist, and much harder to gank. And when it started to throw knives from the kitchen, Cas had pushed Dean out of the way, ending up with a knife in the arm and being strangled in midair. Just in time, Dean burned the object, an old copy of Jack London’s Call of the wild. The monster went up in flames and Cas hit the floor. Dean had, as gracefully as Dean could, freaked the fuck out. He ran to Cas’ side, coaxing breaths back into his lungs by rubbing his back, shortly after taking a breathless ex-angel into a tight hug. Dean’s candy apple eyes were, to Cas’ surprise, wet.  
“Dean, it was not my intention,” Cas began, only to be cut off again which only made him flinch slightly.  
Dean pointed a finger in Cas’ direction, crossing the space between them, “No, Cas, never again, I can’t deal with you getting hurt because of me! I can’t, and you don’t seem to get…”  
This time it was Cas’ interrupting, closing the remainder of space, taking Dean’s face in his hands and slamming their lips together. Dean made a small squawk of surprise, going stock still, arms hanging loosely at his sides. Cas licked his way into Dean’s panting mouth, pressing their bodies together with a hand at the small of Dean’s back. Cas was elated when he realized Dean was kissing back, that he wasn’t running away nor was there any feeling of rejection from this beautiful mouth.  
After a sufficient amount of locking lips and soft groans that Dean would never dare to admit, Cas pulled away to survey Dean’s face. And Cas found himself smiling when he realized he had rendered the one and only Dean Winchester speechless. Absolutely and utterly speechless as he still grasped his jacket lapels between both hands, “I think it is you that does not understand. I will never stop protecting you when I deem it fit. I would not forgive myself if something were to happen to you while in my presence.”  
Dean, still standing wordless, swollen lipped mouth half open, eyes wide and blinking far too often managed to finally vocalize, “O-Okay Cas…”  
With a rare smug look on Cas’ face, he lowered his hands from Dean’s lapel, and leaned in once more delivering a soft, sweet but brief kiss, “Should we head back?” he asked, as he ran a thumb of Dean’s bottom lip, almost as if studying some brilliant piece of art.  
“Uh, yeah, okay,” Dean cleared his throat loudly, the use of his legs returned, he followed behind Cas as he moved towards the car, “Yeah, we should head back.”  
Even in Dean’s fogged out, lust swimming mind, he thought, this would be the first of many. Or so he hoped.


	2. First Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Deans' relationship is slowly but surely progressing, and it wouldn't progress without a good fight now would it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is dedicated to noxsoulmate! thank you so much for the prompts! This was fun to write :)

It was nearly midnight by the time they returned to the bunker, bloody and bruised. And screaming at one another. Sam rolled his eyes and growled, it had been like this the entire ride home, the ‘couple’ throwing angry words back and forth from the drivers’ seat to the passenger seat.  
“Guys!” Sam interjected, “I’m going to bed, you finish up your domestic….whatever the hell this is.” And he disappeared down the hall to his thankfully, soundproof bedroom.  
Castiel only gave a short glance in Sam’s direction before charging once more, “You are being stupid! Senselessly stupid! You’re letting your emotions cloud your judgment,” he spat resolutely, “You choose all the wrong times to execute emotions when you yourself are so closed off.”  
“Oh really, Spock?” Dean growled, thinking, the hunt hadn’t gone THAT bad, so he miscalculated just a bit when the vamp jumped his way. And he was, after all, able to kill it before it bit anything important.  
Cas’ brow scrunched up, as well as narrowing his eyes which brought forth the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, “I-I don’t understand…”  
Dean cut him off brusquely with a swipe of his hand, “Of course you don’t, exactly my point! What the hell do you know about emotions?! In fact, ever since you became human you know next to shit about anything! Not a whole lot has changed since you fell, that I’ll give ya.”  
Cas fell quiet, tongue running almost unnoticeably over his full lips, eyes down, his fists clenching and unclenching, “You are right…I suppose I don’t know anything about how humanity feels…but I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re acting irresponsibly.”  
And all be damned Dean noticed the glistening of his eyes, which of course deflated his anger almost immediately, “Cas, I didn’t…”  
“No!” Cas snapped, before taking control of his tone, “You think I don’t understand…what goes on around me, what humans experience, even though…even though I’ve only been as such for a couple months? I’ve watched this species for thousands of years! How dare…how dare you…” he found his chest clenching, throat clogged with some unknown force, and he found that he was having difficulty inhaling a full breath. For a moment he thought he had the hiccups again, an unpleasant experience felt earlier on in the first month of his human existence. At first he had thought he was dying, running to Dean and Sam, completely convinced that some creature had inhabited his throat. But held breath and a glass of water fixed that.   
This was new. He’d never felt this before. It swelled like a bruise and he felt himself gasping, his eyes burning horribly and he simply couldn’t understand the source.  
“Cas, breathe, come on,” he suddenly heard Dean’s voice above the panic, his eyes popped upwards, wide and blue and wet, “Come on, baby” he said again, the rare nickname slipping without a thought, “Breathe, it’s okay.”  
“No! No it is NOT o-kay, how can you say such…such horrible things…I thought…you cared for me…” he gulped, and something he couldn’t identify lurched forward from his throat and he made a sound that made him jump, made his throat ache all the more. His human response, or at least he thought that was what it should be labeled, told him to flee. And so he did. To his designated bedroom in the Bat Cave, he slammed the door hard, so much so it echoed like a powerful vibration. And there were barely seconds between their yelling, and the slamming of the door that he heard the knocking.  
“Cas,” Dean’s voice was flat at first, dictating almost, “Cas, just open the door.”  
Cas only made similar sounds that were quickly evolving in to sharp, painful gasps into the flat pillow on his bed.  
“Cas, if I have to I’ll break down the door!” Dean shouted through the pine barrier.  
Cas leapt up from the bed and lurched the door open with enough force that startled Dean backwards, “If you truly care for me you would not say such things!” and that horrible pressure in his chest returned, and a sound burst forward from his mouth, unlike a yelp, “What have you done to me! What is this?! I can’t breathe.”  
Despite their anger towards one another, Dean steadied him with two strong hands, “Cas, hey, hey, hey, you’re crying, that’s what this is, it won’t kill you. Sit down, come on,” he soothed, ushering him towards the bed, “I’m sorry okay? I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean it I was just frustrated, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  
“But you did,” Cas found himself sobbing, “You don’t see me as an equal, you see me as a useless, broken child.”  
“No, I didn’t mean that, I was just mad, I swear, Jesus,” Dean exhaled, rubbing a hand over his face, “Hey, look at me,”  
Cas raised watery eyes, his chest still hitching, “I only fear for your safety, why does that warrant me retaliation?”  
Dean closed his eyes, to refrain from rolling them, “Cas….I’m just not use…to someone worrying about me…like that I mean…I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. God, I never wanted to make you do this, I mean dude, you can’t even breathe.”  
“This is your doing!” Cas cried, arms winding around his waist, moving back towards the bed.  
“I’m sorry, ya hear me? I’m sorry okay? Please, calm down,” Dean pleaded, and yes, he did feel like absolute shit, to see Cas so unraveled and it was his fault no less. He followed Cas’ actions without question and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close even though he went stiff as a board against him, “I’m sorry Cas, really, I’m so sorry. You’re the strongest person I know, not to mention you know what seems to be going on when no one else does. You’re not useless.”  
But Cas couldn’t find the control he was all so use too, and he found himself resisting Dean’s hold, his arms, his touch, “I don’t understand why you would say such things.”  
“Cas, that’s what people do when they fight, I didn’t mean it,” Dean answered, loosening his hold long enough pressing lips to Cas’ forehead, “I do care about you, more than I think even I get, I was just mad.”  
Cas put both palms to Dean’s chest, to stare him straight in the eye in that soul bearing fashion he was so notable for, “I’m not useless?”  
Dean exhaled roughly, “No Cas, Of course not, never, I’m an idiot, I’m so sorry. You’re everything to me, everything…”  
“You need me?” Cas hiccoughed.  
“Yeah, I do,” Dean managed a smile, he pulled Cas back into his arms, ignoring the burning in his cheeks at such an admission.  
Finally Cas let himself relax into the embrace, huffing into Dean’s shoulder, “I don’t enjoy this feeling.”  
“What, crying? I don’t think anybody does, makes ya feel gross and tired,” Dean said softly, threading fingers through his dark hair to summon forth more even breaths.  
“What is its purpose?” Cas gulped, arms winding around Dean’s waist and clutching, but still not raising his head so he could bury his nose into Dean’s flannel shirt.  
Dean paused his stroking, “Ya know, I don’t know, makes us purge or something, s’pose to make us feel better.”  
“Tired,” Cas mumbled, and he was, he felt completely deflated.  
“That more than anything, let’s get cleaned up, go to bed, huh?” Dean said, pulling away to cup Cas’ face in his hands, “I am sorry.”  
“I know,” Cas replied with a shuddering sigh, “Yes, let’s go to bed.”  
And bed meant Dean’s bed had been since whatever this was started, “Come on,” Dean pulled Cas up from the mattress and wrapped an arm around him.  
After they had both showered and were both clad in sleepwear, Dean sat down onto his bed, pulled back the sheets and ushered Cas inside. He would deny to the death that he enjoyed having someone close to him when he slept. But he did, and he wasn’t sure how he survived without it this long. It seemed to ground him and keep nightmares away on those nights that his conscious spat viciously everything he’d ever done wrong, every horror he had survives. He gathered Cas close to his body, hooking an arm around his hips, rolling him to his side until they were flush against one another with Cas’ head resting comfortably to his chest.  
He felt, rather than heard, Cas take a deep trembling breath. Guilt was still churning in his stomach as he massaged Cas’ scalp, combing through the knots of his damp hair in a endless repetitive fashion which successfully calmed Cas’ tense body.  
Cas melted against the body beneath him with the attention to his hair, it was his favorite form of affection. The first time Dean had done so Cas’ eyes had almost rolled back in his head, so confused and content at the same time. It was the one thing that could send him quickly into unconsciousness, but tonight he was fighting the drooping of his eyes. He lifted his head to catch Dean’s green eyes, “Promise me you’ll be more careful in future hunts?”  
Dean managed to control his tongue, closing his eyes for a moment before leaning down and kissing Cas’ mouth, once, then again for good measure, “Sure Cas, you know I will,” he said, trailing fingertips to the nape of Cas’ neck lightly enough to produce the prickling of goosebumps that made Cas return his ear over Dean’s heart, “Now, stop worrying and go to sleep. It’ll be better in the morning.” And he hoped so too, and he knew that in the future he would have to be more aware of Cas’ and his feelings, or more so his discovering of these kinds of feelings. Because of all the barbed words he could throw, seeing that dejected look on Cas’ face was a crime. He kissed his forehead and was rewarded with a sleepy moan and finally felt his own eyes getting heavy.


	3. First Flu Bug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt by Nox :) I'm sick too so that's what made me write this haha tell me what ya'll think!

Dean woke up, eyes rolling in their sockets, before finally focusing and realizing the empty space beside him. He stretched out an arm, unconsciously seeking the usual warmth of his angel and finding nothing. He pushed up from the bed, inhaling deeply the very early morning air of the bunker, “Cas?” he noticed the door was cracked, revealing hallway light barely visible.  
Throwing the blankets off his legs, he got up from the bed, clad in boxers and a t-shirt, and the Bat Cave was quiet, besides the few pops and cracks of the settling pipes, “Cas, you in here?” Dean said only loud enough to be heard, not wanting to draw Sammy out of his bedroom. And there Cas was, slumped on the couch, arm slung over his eyes, and as far as Dean could tell, asleep.  
Dean perched on the edge of the couch and Cas moved the arm obstructing his face, “Hey, what are you doing out here?” Dean asked, resting a palm to Cas’ cheek, and it was then he felt the heat radiating off his skin, “You feeling okay?”  
Cas shook his head, eyes glistening, “My head hurts…my chest feels heavy…my stomach…does not feel right.”  
“Ah Cas, sounds like you’ve got a flu bug, why’d you leave the bed? Why didn’t you wake me up? Geez, you’re burning up,” Dean huffed, palm moving from his cheek to his forehead. And now that he had a good look at him in the low lamp light, his cheeks were flushed pink.  
“I did not wish to wake you, I was feeling unsettled,” Cas groaned, curling in on himself, his stomach turning.  
“Come on, back to bed,” Dean scolded, helping him sit up from the cushions, “Cas, if you’re not feeling good tell me, you’re still so new to this it could get serious and how am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?”  
“My apologies,” Cas replied, throat sounding more gravelly and wrecked than usual.  
Dean shook his head, eyes rolling, “Down you go,” he said, tugging the sheets down and lowering Castiel to the mattress, “I’m gonna go get you some meds, and some ice, sit tight.”  
Cas frowned at the unexplained pain radiating in his limbs, his throat aching and eyes stinging, “Why?”  
“Just trust me,”  
Dean returned to the bedroom with his supplies in tow, “You ever seen a thermometer?”  
Cas shook his head, pulling the blankets closer to his chin, “What does it do?”  
“Takes your temp, just wanna make sure we aren’t in a ‘call the doctor’ kind of temp, gotta put it under your tongue, don’t bite down, got me?” Dean instructed, and when Cas nodded he felt confident enough to put the mercury beneath his tongue, “101…shit…yup it’s medicine time, come on, swallow these down.” He placed the greenish tinted pills into Cas’ hands, “Come on, down they go”  
“I don’t understand,” Cas grumbled.  
“Come on Cas, don’t fight me, it’ll make you feel better,” he managed to coax the pills into Cas’ mouth, and when he did so Dean laid down beside Cas’ wincing form.  
“When does it go away? When do I feel better?” Cas croaked, fighting back a watery cough.  
“Probably a few days, lay back,” Dean said, leaning sideways to dim the light, “You’re stomach still bothering you?”  
Cas nodded with a grimace.  
Dean nudged Cas’ shirt up with two fingers so abruptly that Cas jerked away, “I’m not in the mood for your tickling,” he was guarding his torso with both hands and narrowed angry eyes  
Dean chuckled, “I’m not doing that Cas, geez, just relax,” he gently rested a hand to Cas’ stomach and in slow, deliberate circles rubbed the flesh there, a mixture between firm and tender, “My mom use to do this when my stomach hurt.”  
Cas felt his eyes stinging again at the sentiment nature of the action, “I didn’t…I’m sorry…”  
“Shh,” Dean murmured, continuing his soft touch, slow careful circles around Cas’ abdomen, thumb circling his navel deliberately and Dean smiled at Cas when his eyes closed in comfort, “That feel okay?”  
“Yes, it does,” Cas groused, feeling the most relaxed he had all evening, oddly enough it calmed the churning, “Thank you…”  
“Just get some sleep, I’m not going anywhere,” Dean soothed, pressing lips to Cas’ heated cheeks, never stopping his caressing of Cas’ tummy. He found his own peace when Cas drifted off to sleep without any effort at all.

Sam passed by the bedroom at hearing voices and was surprised to see Dean on the edge of his bed, Cas drowned in blankets up to his waist and to his surprise Dean stroking Cas’ stomach in a motherly way that Sam never thought he’d see. A look of concern so heavily dressed on Dean’s face that Sam almost didn’t recognize him, as he spoke softly and lilting to an obviously sick Cas. It was almost 6 in the morning and Sam was up to go for a run, but the voices made him stop and he couldn’t help but smile at the loving gestures Dean was executing so effortlessly.  
And of course no more than two days later was Dean in the same boat, with Cas close at his side, pressing kisses to his forehead and never leaving him for more than a few minutes to supply medicine and soup and similar gentle attention to an obvious upset stomach.


	4. Bubbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean + Hunt = Bubblebath and sexiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel for gettin' me to write this last night, even in a semi conscious state! haha!

It had been one of their rougher hunts, Cas had gotten pretty bruised up, he had a habit of getting full into battle, usually hands on and not thinking of the consequences of said fight while being obviously human. Dean took note right away of Cas' limping state, his dull eyes and exhausted tone. It had been a poltergeist, or as close to one as they could deem a definition and Cas had gotten the brunt of it, being tossed from one wall to the next. Dean figured that they weren't mortally wounded when Cas slung himself on their bed without thought.

"You need a soak Cas, gettin' banged up like that,"

"What?" Cas grunted, not once opening his eyes.

"I'm gonna run you a bath," Dean said, tossing his bag to the floor, he disappeared from the bedroom into the neighboring bathroom, turning the knobs to 'hot'. He was grinning, despite his exhaustion, digging through the cupboards and found an ancient bottle of 'Mr. Bubbles'. Chuckling to himself he poured the entirety of the bottle into the flowing water, the action was immediate, bubbles flooding fast and copious over the edges of the tub.

Dean returned to the bedroom, "Babe," he leaned over the nearly unconscious body, "Hey, I ran a bath for you, that's like Victorian wife shit, come on," he was tugging at Cas' limbs, "Ah man, don't make me lift you."

"If I say please, will you?" Cas mumbled.

"Only if I can undress you here," Dean smiled, not even asking as he worked on the buttons of Cas' flannel, second the buttons of his jeans, eventually leaving him in his boxers. When Cas sighed happily Dean couldn't help with, "You big girl" he carried up from the bed into the bathroom.

"What is that?" Cas said, voice suddenly awake and alert and eyeing the bathtub.

"Bubbles?"

"But from what?" Cas asked, seemingly revived from his sleepy state, fingers testing the foreign substance.

"You've never heard of Bubble bath?" Dean shook his head, "Really?" he didn't even ask, he tugged Cas' boxers down, picking him up and setting him into the hot water, his arms dressed in the bubbles as he situated his lover.

"Oh, this is wonderful," Cas groaned.

Dean only grinned bigger as Cas' eyes near rolled back in his head, becoming completely lax in the hot water, "You have at it, you got it worse than me."

"No," Cas piped up, hand reaching out, "You were marred as well."

"Is this a 'let's not waste water' argument?" Dean smirked.

"Something like that," Cas murmured, burrowing further into the walls of scented warmth.

Dean didn't argue, other times he might, too girly, but he was just as tired as Cas, just as sore. He undressed quickly and hurried into the tub, legs brushing up against Cas', he laid his head back against the porcelain, "Who'd have thought this place would have these claw footed things, huh?" Dean sighed, tugging one of Cas' feet into his lap and pushing thumbs into the tight sole which only made Cas groan loudly, head tilting to the side, cheek pressing to the porcelain. This only spurred him to work his fingers between Cas' toes, working up to his ankles and calves, kneading the muscles there as the bubbles slowly lost life to the cool air of the bunker.

Cas was dozing, certainly not expecting the man to appear above him, sloshing the water over the tub, bubbles clinging to every inch of porcelain as Dean claimed his lips, "Dean…" Cas moaned, he arched up out of instinct.

"You scared me tonight," Dean sighed against his mouth, his body draped against Cas'

"That wasn't my intention," Cas replied, the events of the evening leaping up and biting him in the gut. He pulled Dean closer to him, hand clenched at the small of his back and kissing frantically.

"Yeah, well," Dean huffed, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth heatedly.

Cas pressed forward, snaking his arms around Dean's waist and dragging him forward, sloshing the water that much more.

"Hey, hey, you're supposed to be hurt." Dean said.

"You said I needed to relax," Cas argued, claiming his lips, somehow pinning Dean to the head of the tub, "This will help me relax."

"Cas, you don't need extracurricular activities, not that kind," he was grinning in a way that Cas knew full well, "But I'll take care of you."

"Dean I," Cas began but was cut too short when Dean slipped his hand past Cas' waist, fingers wondering down his length.

"Dean I what?" Dean murmured, swirling his thumb around the head of his penis, expertly spinning circles around the bundle of nerves.

It seemed more intense with the warm water engulfing his body, in fact, Dean's hands almost seemed hot, "Dean…"

"Is that a 'please' I'm hearing?" Dean murmured against his ear.

"Yes, please," Cas moaned, jutting up into Dean's hand.

"Well then relax," Dean whispered into the thin flesh of his throat, squeezing expertly which made Cas yelp. This was Dean's intentions, just to make Cas feel good and by the sinful sounds reverberating off the walls he smiled in satisfaction, "Come on angel," he brushed breath against Cas' ear and Cas arched working his way into Dean's hand without shame.

Completely enveloped in warmth and love and lust Cas let go. He would have fallen back if Dean hadn't kept a firm hand at the base of his neck.

If Cas hadn't been tired before, he was now, but the aches and pains of his muscles were all but forgotten as Dean drained the tub and rinsed away the bubbles. "How about bed?" Cas thought he might have heard, and for the second time that night he felt himself lifted up and away from the warm water.

Cas could only nod as the lax state of his muscles agreed. Then Dean was settling them into bed, pulling the covers up high and curling up against him, gathering him close and running hands up and down his spine. "I like bubble baths." Cas mumbled.

Dean chuckled softly, "Anytime babe," he pressed lips to Cas' temple.


	5. First Date Night!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas decide, hey, have we 'officially' been out? Date night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel for the prompt!!!! Hope you like!!!

They were walking away from the library, researching on their latest case, a special kind of coven that involved witches that could steal memories. Or at least that was what it seemed, it was too early in the research process, “Dean,”

When his name was repeated more haughtily, Dean huffed, “What?” closing the paper he was scanning, realizing it was Cas that was asking the question he evened his tone, “Sorry Cas, what were you saying?”

“What are those two doing?” he pointed to a couple leaning towards each other as if magnets were involved, the restaurant dimly lit with what he gathered were candles, “Why would one eat in such poor lighting?” since becoming human, eating become much more of a pleasurable act, and it baffled him as to why a person wouldn’t want to be able to clearly see what they were consuming.

A smile broke across Dean’s face, “Cas, only you man,” folded up the article he was reading before he clasped him on the shoulder, “They’re on a date, ya know, couples do it. Candle light is supposed to be romantic or something. It’s supposed to be dark like that.”

“Oh,” Cas said simply, eyes narrowing, and lips pursing in such serious thought Dean had to cover his mouth to stifle a laugh, “A date?”

“Yeah, a date,”

“Is this a social norm?”

“Social norm…Cas, it’s what couples do to get alone time,”

“But you and I are a couple and we are alone quite frequently, but we do not do it like that.”

Dean would admit that Cas’ literal nature annoyed him in the beginning, but there was something about him being human _and_ literal that made it endearing, if not short of adorable, “Are you saying you’re wanting a date, babe?”

“Something of that nature, yes,” Cas replied, that subtle grinning of his appearing, with just the corner of his mouth rising, “Why have we not done this yet?”

“I dunno, you and I aren’t exactly your run of the mill couple. Ex-angel and fuck up extraordinaire,”

“Dean, you are not a…fuck up extraordinaire,” Cas sighed.

“You’re sexy when you curse, anyone ever tell you that?” Dean smiled, leaning in close and pecking his cheek.

His eyes were narrowed again, “Not that I recall.”

“Alright, we’ve got pretty much zilch with this mystery coven, why don’t you and I go out tonight?”

“Where would we go?”

“Huh, we’ve done the dinner thing, I mean, not like that,” he gestured to the couple still dining, “But we should do something different. What do you wanna do?”

Cas shrugged, uncharacteristically, “Since I have never done such a thing I am probably not the one to ask.”

“Look at you, you’re nervous,” Dean smirked, “Oh, come on, I’m just kidding,” he added when he noticed the darkening in Cas’ eyes, “You ever been to a movie?”

“Are these similar to the moving pictures on the television?”

“Yeah, only on a big screen,” Dean slipped an arm underneath his coat and around his waist, “I have an even better idea, these small towns around here always have at least one drive in. I haven’t been to one of those since me, Sam and Dad went.”

Cas cocked his head, “Drive in?”

“Big projection screen and you sit in your car instead of a movie theater, much more comfortable, you’ll love it,”

“And this is a date?”

“It’s not just a date Cas it’s the best kind of date,” he waggled his eyebrows.

“Does it involve similar low lighting?”

“Much better than candle light, I promise. Come on, let’s get this crap to Sam and make a night of it.”

 

“Where are you guys off to?” Sam asked, taking his eyes away from his laptop.

“We are going on a date,” Cas smiled in that adorable toothy way he could when genuinely pleased.

“Movies, Sammy, Cas here hasn’t ever been to one, who’d of thought huh? You think he would’ve checked his wings at least once at the door to go see a freaking movie.”

Sam gave the book in front of him a shove, “So you’re leaving me here to do all the work? When do I get a night off?!”

“Uh, tomorrow, scout’s honor,” Dean winked, throwing an arm over Cas’ shoulders and leading him out the door.

“Dean, perhaps we should plan this for another night,” Cas frowned, looking back at Sam’s less than pleased face.

“No way Babe, we should have done this forever go, we’re not postponing,” Dean pressed lips to his temple, “Let’s get a move on,”

 

After getting situated, Dean reluctantly hooking a speaking to the side mirror of Baby, the two men settled in as the ratty screen began to flicker, “What are we watching again? You would not let me see the show listing,” Cas asked.

“Horror movie! The Shining is a classic, you can’t have a date without a good ole scary movie,”

“Scary, scary how? You should have explained this to me beforehand,” Cas said, looking both peeved and uneasy.

Dean only smiled knowingly, “Just watch Cas, trust me,”

“Very well, if you say so, you must remember I’ve only ever seen your Star War movies. I’m not familiar with this genre.”

As the movie started, Cas watched intently, well, like he did with everything. Especially when it was new, and to Dean’s disappointment he didn’t react to many of the ‘jump out’ scenes as he had hoped.

“Cas? Are you gonna analyze this like some museum piece? The whole time?”

“Am I not supposed to keep attention? This plot is flawed, if Mr. Halloran was psychic, like this young Danny was, why did he not see that this boy was in trouble?”

“Cause, I dunno, then the whole damn movie wouldn’t have happened, it’s called suspense.” Dean huffed, chewing his bottom lip.

Cas leaned forward to study his face in the dark atmosphere, only the flickering light of the screen to illuminate his features, “You seem displeased,”

“I’m so stupid, why the hell did I think that _this_ kind of shit would scare you? You’ve faced the fucking apocalypse, why would Steven King and a couple of scary twins and a bleeding elevator even make you jump?”

Cas scooted closer, “You wanted me to be scared? I don’t understand, did I do something wrong?”

“No, no of course not, Jesus…ya know,” Dean shrugged uselessly, glad Cas couldn’t fully see his face as his cheeks had filled with heat, “Thought maybe it would scare ya a little, so I had an excuse to hold you.”

“You do not need an excuse to hold me,” Cas smiled softly.

“Yeah but,” he was cut off by plump full lips and a warm mouth, that eventually trailed along his jawline and rested against his pulse point.

“I would have preferred you held me the entirety of the film, whether it be frightening or not,” he brushed a thumb over his now damp lips, “I would never pass up a chance to be close to you.”

Dean shook his head, running his tongue over the bottom lip Cas was caressing, “You make me feel like I’m in high school, I hope ya know that.”

“Is that a good thing?” Cas had a possibly permanent grin plastered to his face, simply peering up at Dean, hooded eyes catching lights from the screen.

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe,” Dean shuddered, pushing Cas’ back to the front seat, “I’m not even gonna ask if you’ve ever made out in a car, so I’ll just show you,”

Cas replied only with a rare, quiet chuckle as Dean’s mouth was tracing his Adam’s apple, nipping at his chin before capturing his lips.

“Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll make it to second base,”

“Dean, what does a baseball reference have anything to do…” it was Cas that was silenced this time by lips and warm, fervent hands.

After that, date night became a regular, no necessary thing.


	6. Lights Go Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Power outage in the Bunker! Kind of a 'first cuddles' that Nox mentioned I should do :D Hope you like!!!!

 

Dean would never dub himself as a ‘cuddler’ never in a million years. Sometimes he even denied it when he and Cas were curled up on the bed together, arms entangled in such a fashion that one had to wonder where one body began and the other ended. However, he tried, to his best ability, to keep it at minimal. Especially around Sam, who seemed to have an unending smirk on his face, a ‘I won a bet’ look on his face.

The power went out in the bunker, dead of winter as it was, blizzard howling outside, and the bunker was already a concrete cold place. It could seem almost damp at times too. They had to run the heat non-stop during the season and in the main room they burned the fireplace non-stop as well. But then with the ice encasing powerlines outside, coupled with the wind, the power went out completely, and as hour two approached Dean knew they would be screwed for the rest of the night.

Sam, Dean, and Cas were huddled in the main living area, or at least that was the best way to describe it. When they had first moved in there was an empty room in the center of the building nothing but a large fireplace, they had moved in furniture and made it into the living room. A respectfully large TV on one wall and three different couches that they had found at pawn shops at the other.

Cas’ new human body did not react well to cold, Dean found that out really quick, it didn’t take much, a swift breeze or drop in temperature to have him short of trembling. Heat didn’t seem to do the same thing, only produced slightly pink cheeks. Now, however, was different. This was the coldest the Batcave had gotten since Cas had arrived.

“Hey, Cas, you okay?” Dean asked, tossing in another bit of firewood.

“I don’t understand this, I’m vibrating, my teeth feel like wood,” his arms were wound tight around his waist.

Dean refrained from rolling his eyes, pressing a palm to Cas’ cheek, “You’ve been cold before, this isn’t completely new to you right?”

“I can’t feel my fingers, or my toes, I don’t like this,” Cas chattered, a frown on his plump mouth.

“Hold on,” Dean said, disappearing from the room briefly and returning with an armful of blankets, “Hopefully these are thick enough, here ya go.” He wrapped one of the scratchy wool throws around his shoulders, and before he could help it he dropped a kiss to Cas’ nose and then to both chapped lips.

“I’m still not warm,” Cas huffed, eyes cutting to Dean’s, blue looking almost amber in the flickering of the fire light.

“Cas, give it a second,” Dean began, he noticed Sam smirking behind a hidden hand, and not too well at that, “Hey shut up!”

“What? I didn’t say anything!” Sam laughed, he gestured with his hands, “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Aren’t you gonna, ya know?” Sam was mockingly hugging his own body.

“Look, just cause we’re…together…doesn’t mean it’s like some fucking soap opera.” Dean growled.

“Dean,” Cas was still frowning, fingers clutching the thin wool blanket, his teeth still clicking, “Have I done something to upset you?”

“Jesus,” Dean glared and Sam, “No, I’m not upset with you.” He moved from the front of the fire to sit beside Cas’ huddled form and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close, conjoining both their blankets, “You know what? You’re an ass,” Dean threw at Sam, who was still happily situated in the arm chair closest to the fire.

“What did I do? You two are adorable, might as well make the most of it.” he grinned.

“Yeah, well,” Dean huffed.

“If I’m making you uncomfortable I can gather warmth on my own,” Cas sighed, draping the blanket over his head tight, nearly hiding his face.

“Don’t pull that on me,” Dean argued, and in one swift movement he almost had the former angel in his lap, vigorously rubbing both palms up and down his arms. Cas’ legs were draped over his lap, the rest of him pressed to his chest, “Ignore Sam,” he spoke close to his ear, “Is that better?”

Cas grinned against the steel grey cloth, eyes only momentarily cutting to Sam, “Yes, much better, thank you,” his trembling slowly but surely melting away as he huddled closer, burying his nose into the crook of Dean’s neck. And when Dean didn’t protest, he added wrapping his arms around him as well and drawing him closer.

The three of them fell asleep in the living room, dull fire turning to embers, and later in the morning the heat kicked back on with an unnoticeable growl. That didn’t stop Sam from grinning like an idiot when he awoke to Dean and Cas curled into one another. Cas’ mussed hair spiking in every direction and Dean’ head lulled back mouth slack. The two of them completely dead to the world curled around each other like infused octopuses the next morning.

Dean woke briefly, only to deliver a deflated glare at his baby brother, before gathering Cas closer into their double human burrito, kissing Cas’ exposed brow. Cas groaned quietly, sniffling and inhaling sharply, burrowing deeper beneath the heat and mumbling something indecipherable.

“Go back to sleep babe,” Dean took a deep contented breath, wiggling deeper into the couch. He fell back easily into sleep, his arms full of Cas and never giving his blatant affections another thought.


	7. First Real 'I Love You'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, as always, doesn't think too much of himself. And he doesn't think that he deserves love from anyone. So this is, more or less, a 'first I love you' chapter'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my best friends Crowley'sMooseSquirrelsAngel decided that Dean needed some love tonight, and damnitt, we will deliver! Check out her 'Moments' they are freaking amazing!!!!! Let me know what ya'll think!!!!

There were a lot of things Cas was getting use to, some of them blatant, like crossing the street at the right time. Dean had had to lurch Cas backwards nearly knocking the two of them to the ground. Or the first time he bumped into someone, offered an apology and the person retaliated less than friendly. But there were a lot of things that Dean was getting use to as well, even though he liked to ignore them more fervently. After all, he had been human all his life Cas had only had a few months to get use to the idea.

There weren’t a whole lot of physical things, like eating, sleeping, all those things that seemed to fascinate and confuse Cas. It was all the emotional things that were foreign to Dean that baffled him. All the emotions between fervent kisses and soft caresses, there were words of adoration. He would bypass them, skim them over in exchange of pleasure. Never letting them settle, seep into his skin, his soul.

They were past climax, already naked and sated. Cas was doing his usual, plump lips painting his flesh with kisses, never bruising only border lining on bites. He had this habit of murmuring how beautiful Dean was, how bright his soul was, that each freckle on his flesh was a testament of perfection, each scar spoke of survival.

“Cas, stop it,” Dean finally said, pressure swelling in his chest, and he found himself pushing Cas away.

“Stop what?” Cas let the words roll off his tongue as he pressed said tongue over Dean’s heart, hands wondering upwards and through his hair, fingering the strands as his mouth wondered to his pulse point.

“All that beautiful stuff, all the ‘bright as shit stuff’”

Cas sucked the flesh at Dean’s nape between his teeth with a soft smack, “Why?” and he was rising up to make eye contact with Dean, “Why wouldn’t I say you’re beautiful? You’re everything that is luminous and pure.”

Dean laughed darkly, “I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” he almost growled, “Because I’m not,” he rolled away from Cas, “I’m not bright, I’m not pure, I’m fucked up, and the faster you get that…”

“Faster I what?” Cas glared.

“Faster you understand that…I’m not…I’m not what you think Cas…I’m a fuck up…I’m tainted…and why you want me I’ve still yet to see why that is…”

Dean didn’t expect Cas to pull him roughly forward and roll him on his back, more so he didn’t expect the angel to hold firmly him to the bed, “Do you think me stupid?”

“What?! No, Cas, I didn’t say that!”

“Yes you did, you might as well call me stupid if you think I cannot see you for who you truly are. You may be flawed, my father knows, you are flawed, but in no way are you broken. In no way are you tainted.” Cas huffed, diving down and capturing Dean’s mouth, silencing all words with his tongue.

“Cas…” Dean began, but Cas silenced him, kissing him harder.

“You are a good brother,” Cas pecked his lips, “You would do anything for Sam, anything, so much so it would harm your own well-being. And as a son? You did more than was asked of you. More than you should have.”

“Cas, baby, you may be right in all those categories, but it’s you that I wronged the most. I should have kept you safe, I shouldn’t have let you leave, I should have…” he was cut off again by insistent lips.

“No,” Cas growled, pressing his body once more to Dean’s, “Who’s been taking care of me these last few months? You haven’t let me out of your sight! You make me feel loved, you make me happy. Is that not enough?”

Dean was looking up into the too blue eyes that never ceased to make him breathless, “It is enough Cas…and I do…”

“What?” Cas’ brow was furrowed in his signature confusion.

“I love you Cas, isn’t that obvious?” Dean averted his eyes, even though he was pinned.

Cas smirked, so very Dean, he thought, he leaned down and captured his lips. Kissing good and long for safe measure, “I love you too Dean Winchester, and you should never doubt it.”

Dean would completely deny the whimper that escaped his throat as Cas continued his kisses of adoration. But he did. And despite all the darkness of his reality, when he was here, in the dim lit of their bedroom Cas made him feel whole and loved.


	8. Continue of "First I love You"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is determined, in the most effective way, to make Dean know he is loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, thank you very much CrowleysMooseSquirrelsAngel, I made a smutty version of "Damnitt Dean love yourself!" So PLEASE tell me what ya'll think, this was just a spur of the moment prompt and I'm kind of in love with it!

It was in that next night that Cas came to the conclusion that there was only one way that he could get Dean to realize that he was worthy of all the love that Cas was willing to give. They were all lips and fight for dominance and it was usually Dean pushing Cas to the bed, but Cas flipped them. He pressed Dean onto the mattress, hurriedly removing Dean’s shirt and pants, leaving him half naked and panting on their bed.  
“What’s up with you?” Dean started, but Cas silenced him with a kiss, plunging his tongue past his moist lips.  
“I love you,” Cas murmured.  
“I get that,” Dean smirked, but couldn’t finish with anything but a groan as Cas slipped fingers beneath his waist, skimming along the thin cloth of his boxers. He ran a thumb over the head of his penis, long fingers moving down his length, giving a good twist that made Dean near yelp.  
“Cas, come on,” Dean whimpered, despite his admittance of doing so.  
“You have to do something for me,” Cas whispered against the thin flesh of Dean’s throat.  
“Ah!” Dean croaked, fighting against the hold Cas had on his hand, “What?!”  
“Tell me you’re beautiful,”  
“What? No, I’m not some fucking girl,”  
Cas skimmed his lips down Dean’s bare chest, latching down on one nipple, swirling around the taut nub and sucking it into his mouth. He moved farther down, tongue darting along his pelvic bone, biting his hips, nipping deliberately before moving lower. Cas blew soft breaths, wet and warm against Dean’s length.  
“Cas, Jesus, what are you…”  
“Dean? All you have to do is say what you are…it’s so easy.”  
“Cas,” Dean near sobbed, trying to close his legs but Cas pried them apart, working his hand again between his thighs, keeping them wide open.  
“You’re so beautiful,” Cas breathed, tongue working deliberately on his inner thighs and not where Dean needed.  
“Cas that ain’t fair!” Dean started to argue when Cas took him into his mouth, tongue and throat working in sinful ways.  
He hummed around Dean’s length, and Dean was mumbling wordlessly, trying to stay still and not buck his hips  
Cas pulled away just as Dean was getting close, which made him almost cry, blurry eyes tearing, “Cas!”  
“Tell me, tell me you’re beautiful, tell me you’re worthy,” Cas sighed against Dean’s sensitive flesh.  
“Okay, okay,” Dean tried to tuck the cries of passion bubbling in his chest, “I-I’m worthy…”  
“And?” Cas kissed the head of his penis, flicking his tongue out and teasing the slit as his fingers squeezed around the girth as he traipsed his lips up to Dean’s navel, “And?”  
“Fuck,” Dean growled, but was cut off when Cas’ soft fingertips replaced his mouth, “Beautiful, I’m beautiful, please, fuck,”  
“You’re worth every good feeling Dean,” Cas said, “Why you don’t think you do, I will never understand.”  
And there was no more teasing, Cas kissed and worked Dean into a frenzy, until he was panting and wordless on the bed. He, without restraint, twisted and pumped Dean until he was clutching and clinging to Cas’ damp body, crying out. His legs stiff and near molding into the mattress.  
Dean fell back to the sheets, chest heaving, face hidden neatly in Cas’ shoulder, wet breath almost hissing.  
“Cas…”  
“Yes?” Cas answered all-knowing, “Dean…”  
“Why do you do that?”  
“Don’t get me started again,” Cas warned, “You are beautiful, and I will not hesitate to demonstrate it again.”  
Dean’s breath was slowing, softly, almost border lining something like crying as he burrowed into Cas’ neck, “I love you.”  
“I love you too, more than you can ever understand.” Cas pulled him close, relishing in the aftermath of orgasmic trembles.  
For once Dean didn’t argue, he closed his eyes and pulled his ex-angel close to his body and found himself falling off to sleep.


	9. Lazy Day In Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean need a break (set the morning after the last sexy chapter) :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel for the prompt! :D Hope you all enjoy, and remember if you have any suggestions send them my way! Hope you enjoy the fluff!!!

            The night before reeled like some embarrassing clip from a soap opera. Dean was never one to make fun of those that cried about shit, but however, when he cried? Whole different story. And he had. Cried. During sex. Cried during the words of adoration that Cas gave willingly. He was wrapped in Cas’ arms, protectively so, like wings, invisible wings that would protect him from any and all harm. Cas played with the short hairs at the nape of his neck, carefully, meticulously, so much that goosebumps riddled over Dean’s flesh. It was in a half sleep state too, Cas wasn’t even fully awake. Dean was, but Cas was coming out of a very deep sleep. All his touches were out of pure instinct. Cas was still getting used to being human, in every sense of the word. Of all the things that confused Cas, Dean knew that sex was simply one of those things that, once he understood the mechanics, he just understood. And Dean loved it. He was completely satiated, letting Dean rest over his chest, ear pressed to his chest and yes, he counted the heartbeats.

            “Cas,” Dean breathed deep, for once feeling some kind of essence of pure and whole.

            Cas inhaled dramatically, brushed fingertips over each bump of Dean’s spine, like reading brail, meticulous and perfect, not staying long around his shoulders before dipping below his waist and cupping his backside. Fingers wondering and toying, no intention behind his touches, just simple caresses. Cas had a habit of continuously touching after intimacy, even the morning after, but this was a little different. They had merged or crossed an emotional barrier, admittance of love for one, and two, the true realization that Cas could see him so much more than anyone else he’d ever met. Knew damn well when he was bullshitting or in this case, bashing himself.

            “Are you awake or are you just doing this in your sleep?” Dean laughed softly, lifting his head up enough to prop his chin on Cas’ chest.

            “Awake enough,” Cas replied, deep and gruff, “Are we supposed to be up?”

            “Hell no,” Dean sighed, studying Cas’ face astutely, it was lax with a well-rested night and he had yet to even open his eyes. His dark hair was everywhere, as if he’d put his fingers in an outlit, “We’ve got nothing to do today, if it’s all the same to you I’m in no hurry to leave the bed.”

            “Agreed,” Cas hummed, resuming his petting.

            Probably any other time Dean might complain and tell Cas to cut it out, but he was too sleepy and fuck did it feel good to be doted on. He sighed even deeper in content when Cas was pulling the covers back up over both of their chilling skin creating that cocoon feeling he was thinking about earlier. It was coupled with Cas kissing Dean’s crown before moving lips to his forehead.

*************

            After the two of them finally woke up, way past noon, Dean offered to make a run to the kitchen, packed a tray full of junk food and resituated himself back into their nest. Cas had added blankets Dean noticed.

            “You have enough blankets Cas?” Dean grinned.

            “Does it not seem prudent since we are spending the entirety of the day in bed?” Cas asked as innocently as ever.

            “Whatever you want babe, so Netflix, what’ll it be? Sappy, funny or serious?” he asked turning the TV one and waiting for the cable box to load.

            “I would prefer something sappy or funny, when you showed me Game of Thrones…it was too much for me…we see enough death do we not?”

            So they ended up with a movie marathon instead, old films, at Cas’ request. Cas had randomly chosen Breakfast at Tiffany’s and even with Dean’s argument that it was a chick flick, Cas’ big blue eyes won out. Cas was draped over Dean’s lap, cheek resting on his thigh as Dean returned the favor from earlier of playing with his hair.

            “Surely she doesn’t leave Paul? She doesn’t, does she Dean?” Cas piped up after several minutes of silence. Audrey Hepburn and her costar argued in earnest and Audrey Hepburn began to cry before launching her beloved Cat from the cab, “Dean?” Cas asked again as the couple were now running in the rain to retrieve said cat.

            “I’ve only seen this once Cas, I don’t remember,” Dean answered, trying to tuck a laugh. It was both entertaining and a little heartbreaking watching movies or shows with Cas, because he took it very seriously. He and Sam had agreed to NEVER show him Old Yeller or Bridge to Terabithia…they’d pretty much made a list at this point. But here again, even though he knew it would be a happy ending, it would more than likely effect Cas. Perhaps he was still getting use to human emotions, or he really was a sap at heart. Either way, Dean found it endearing.

            And as Holly and Paul embraced, and then kissed, Dean could hear the sniffling in his lap, “See? Happily ever after…”

            “I enjoyed that very much, I do not know what I would have done if she got on that plane,” he said wiping at his eyes.

            Now Dean was smiling, pulling Cas up from his lap by his forearms and drawing him in for a kiss, soon enough he was urging him backwards to the bed, “I could so make fun of you but then you’d stop doing that when something moves you…it’s sweet.” He continued to kiss him lazily and Cas sighed happily against his lips, eyes closing.

            They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, intermittently making out before settling on another movie, or playing a board game (one of Cas’ favorite things to do).

            It was nearly six in the evening when they had switched positions, Dean stretched across Cas’ lap lightly dozing as Cas’ scratched his scalp with one hand, and holding out a paperback with the other. The cd player playing in the background, Cas couldn’t remember the name of the song but knew it was Bad Company. He heard footsteps in the hallway, and soon Sam’s head was peeking in the doorway.

            “You guys been in bed all day?”

            “Dean suggested we take the day off, I agreed,” Cas spoke quietly, hand still thrumming through Dean’s hair.

            “ _Dean_ suggested a day off? Man Cas, you have got him whipped.” Sam chuckled.

            Apparently not asleep enough, Dean rose a middle finger, “Eat it bitch.”

            “Whatever jerk,” Sam answered rolling his eyes, “I’ll leave you to your cuddling.” He finished in a sing song voice.

            That prompted Dean to throw a book at the door, poorly executed because it barely made it to the entrance.

            “Does this mean we are getting up?” Cas frowned, placing a bookmark between the pages.

            “What? Hell no,” he sat up far enough to hook both hands behind Cas’ knees and pull him away from the headboard, which Cas only reacted with an amused snort, smiling against the press of Dean’s lips, “We haven’t had sex yet, got finish this day right.”

            Cas draped both arms around Dean to draw him closer, “We should do this at least once a week.”

            “Genius idea babe,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REVIEW MY LOVELIES!


	10. First Vacation/Time Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Dean and Cas go to the Lake :)

It had been about two solid months of hunting, non-stop, and even though Dean was passionate to their work. Enough was enough. He needed a break and even though Cas didn’t want to admit it, he needed a break as well. Of course, per usual, ‘break’ wasn’t something that Cas grasped too quickly. He knew Cas had met the same level of ‘come on’ when he heaved a heavy sigh with the discussion of another case. Currently they were in Omaha, finishing up a poltergeist case.  
“Okay, that’s it,” Dean groused, throwing the dirty duffle bag in his hands to the floor, “We’ve been on too long a run, I need some R and R Sammy.”  
“I said that a week ago!” Sam growled, shucking ectoplasm off the end of his fingertips.  
“Well,” Dean side glanced at Cas, “I think we all need a break.”  
“Meaning, you saw that Castiel was lookin’ tired and decided, not that I’ve had enough.” Sam grumbled.  
“Whatever,” Dean shook his head, “We’re all at each other’s throats, why don’t we head up to Fremont? Not too far from here? Lots of lakes. Hey, we know a hunter up there, we can borrow a cabin, chill by the water?”  
“Chill?” Cas started, signature tilt of the head.  
“Relax,” Dean corrected with a grin, “Hell yeah, we’re doing this.”

They arrived at the cabin early enough in the afternoon, parked the Impala out front with a loud growl. The cabin was nice, more than nice, modern kitchen and the front porch had recently been re-done, the lake was mere feet from the cement deck. Dock, boat and all.  
“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going for a swim,” Sam said, as all three of them stood on the beach.  
“Cas, you wanna swim?” Dean asked, with a smile.  
“I’m not sure I know how to,” Cas replied with a frown.  
Memories of Leviathan had Dean’s heart flip-flopping, he managed to swallow it down and force a smile, “I’ll show ya how to swim Cas, we’ll just ya know, float around. Not gonna make you swim laps or anything.”  
Cas looked nervous, chewing on his lip in earnest, “If you say so.”  
The three of them changed into swim trunks, and Dean wouldn’t verbalize how adorable Cas looked exiting the cabin. So shy, looking as if he felt naked, “Cas, come on, it’s okay,” Dean encouraged, arms waving, “There’s nobody out here, it’s just us.” And as he said this Sam was already diving in without thought. Dean was waiting on the tawny shore, hands outstretched, a smile on his face, “Come on babe, water ain’t gonna bite,” he ran his palms along the water causing ripples, as if to entice.  
“Only if you say so,” Cas tentatively replied and against his better judgment made it into the water up to his knees, “It’s cold, why is this enjoyable?”  
“You just gotta get used to it,” Dean said, “Little at a time, give me your hands.”  
“No, you’ll pull me in,” Cas argued, with a furrowed brow.  
“Hey, I wouldn’t do that, I know you got a thing about water,” Dean frowned, “Come on”  
Cas eased himself into the lake, only a few tiny gasps at the chilliness of it, and when he’d finally submerged himself chest deep, Dean tucked arms under the bends of his knees, another behind his back and swung him into his arms effortlessly, swirling him around a couple of times, “See? Nothing to worry about, you don’t need to know how to swim.” He kissed him on the mouth, more than once, which seemed to relax him a margin.  
“Yes, that is until you let me go,” Cas answered, voice near trembling.  
“I won’t let go,” Dean spoke with seriousness, “I would never let you go if you weren’t comfortable.” He emphasized with his grip and Cas wound his arms around Dean’s shoulders.  
“But this isn’t swimming, not from what I have observed,” Cas huffed.  
“Doesn’t matter, does this feel good?” Dean smiled, moving them about in the water, occasionally dipping them below the surface, never over their heads of course.  
Cas couldn’t help but laugh, “Yes, but, I know this isn’t swimming,”  
“Doesn’t matter,” Dean repeated, smiled broad and genuine, “This is ‘Cas” swimming and I love it. When you get cold let me know.”  
“I am a little cold, yes,”  
“Good, sunbathing it is,” and Dean carried them both out of the water, bridal style with no objection from Cas, to the lounge chairs placed at the base of the beach. Dean set Cas to one towel covered surface.  
“What is the point of this?” Cas asked in earnest.  
“Not really a point, it’s being lazy, which we never do. Now,” Dean’s dimples were showing now, “We’re going to soak in the sun, it’s completely effortless. Just get warm, probably fall asleep. Just lay on your stomach, or back whatever feels comfortable.”  
“Stomach,” Cas said, doing so and nuzzling against the towel, “What will this accomplish?”  
“Well,” Dean began, “We’ll get darker, always a plus and two, it’s relaxing as fuck, plain and simple. But we don’t wanna stay out here too long. That’s what Sammy is for, he’ll let us know when it’s ‘too much’. The last thing I wanna do is get you burnt.”  
“But I wish to lay with you, that is where I would truly feel relaxed.” Cas argued, mouth pouting.  
Dean tried not to roll his eyes, he did, but it was too much, he opened up his arms, “Come over here angel, if we’re gonna fall asleep in the sun, might as well be together. Sammy! Don’t let this go longer than 15 minutes I don’t want a Cas line,” he gathered Cas into his arms and laughed softly when Cas nuzzled into the crook of his neck, making sleepy sounds already.  
“What’s wrong with a ‘Cas line’” Cas groused, mouth turned in a frown.  
Dean laughed, “Cas, don’t ever change.” He held him close, the sun pouring down like a warm blanket, and his lips pressed to Cas’ brow. Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always reviews are wonderfully welcome and I write prompts :)


	11. Pamper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have a rough hunt and Cas takes care of Dean <3 Thanks Crowley'sMooseAngel'sSquirrel for the prompt!

            “We just had a vacation,” Cas began to argue, when Dean led him into the bathroom, more luxurious than they were use too.

            Their recent hunt left them bruised, bleeding and aching.

            “Cas, babe, when we have rough hunts like that, believe me, a mini vacation is needed,” Dean argued, already, without question, peeling away Cas’ blood and guts drenched flannel with nimble fingers and guiding him into the ridiculously large tub he’d filled with hot water before- hand. And without a second thought Dean was shedding his equally filthy clothes and sliding into the water, “Thank God for indoor plumbing,” he sighed, cheek leaning against the porcelain with a loud huff.

            “You were hurt,” Cas said, pain in his voice, “You were tossed quite roughly, are you sure nothing is broken?”

            “Yeah, I’m sure,” Dean answered, rolling his shoulders as if to assure himself, “I’ve had enough shit broken to know the difference, just bumps and bruises.”

            Cas moved forward, sloshing the water and tugged Dean into his arms with ease, he worked him into a sitting position, enough to run a sudsy wash cloth over his shoulders and chest, “You are not going to bed covered in filth, I’ll sleep on the floor,” Cas began.

            “Sure you will, you can’t sleep without me, that much I know,” Dean smirked, eyes closing against the soft cloth against his flesh.

            “How you would want to go to sleep in such a dirty state baffles me…but I know you…you would not…so let me do this.” Cas argued as he sloshed away the blood and soil. When he was happy enough with both their cleanly states he urged Dean up from the black bath water, naked and all, and obviously so exhausted he didn’t seem to care. Cas led him to the toilet seat, wrapping a towel around Dean’s shoulders, before retreating to the bedroom and finding sleep clothes. He dressed Dean, even if he didn’t seem to be aware of such a fact, slipping flannel pants up his bowed legs, and slipping a t-shirt over his torso. He dressed himself as well and tugged Dean up from the toilet seat and settled him to the bed.

            Usually they settled pretty quickly, especially after a hard hunt, but this time Dean was fidgeting against the covers, restlessly.

            “Dean,” Cas growled, “What’s wrong?”  
            “I’m sore, like you said, must have been tossed harder than I thought,” he groaned, eyes half lidded.

            “Roll over,” Cas demanded, “Come on then, roll over.”

            “Cas, I’m fine,” Dean started, tugging at the covers.

            “Roll your ass over,” Cas growled in frustration, taking the sheet away, “Why must you argue?” he regained his usual straightforward demeanor.

            “Depends on what rolling my ass over entails,” Dean smirked.

            “I swear I will make you feel worse if you do not do as I say,” Cas snapped, “Roll over,”

            “Fine, fine,” Dean groused, and did as told.

            Without saying anything more, Cas kneaded into the taut, cement like muscles, working his thumbs between his shoulder blades before taking one of his hands and working the muscles of his neck, “How’s that?”

            “Cas,” Dean moaned, “Yeah, damn, that’s good….”

            “Relax,” Cas said almost on the edge of a whisper, kissing the back of Dean’s neck, he continued his massaging touch. He didn’t stop with his shoulders, he worked down his back counting vertebrae. Carefully kneading his legs, pressing fingers along the flesh of his calves, muscles twitching and ticking with the stress of the night and the soles of his feet finally going lax. Soon enough Dean was snoring softly and calculated.

            Cas smiled, easing himself off of the back of Dean’s thighs, clicking the side table lamp off and resting next to Dean’s side, gathering him close, mind focusing on the white noise of the circulating fan. And as always, without even thinking, Dean curled against Cas’ body, burying his nose into the crook of Cas’ neck with a quiet and hardly decipherable groan. It was in these moments that Cas was almost thankful for when the times Dean let his guard down and he was allowed to pamper him without question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I LOVE prompts please request if you'd like to see something <3


	12. First Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has his first nightmare and YES I'm using the song that our adorable Rob sang in the latest episode, because how can I not?! This is another chapter dedicated to Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel because she AND I needed cuddles. Gahhh Hope you all enjoy

            It had taken Cas nearly two weeks to master the art of sleeping. The action confused him to no end, and then mostly just scared him. The loss of time, the vulnerability of it. The first time Cas had laid down to his bed, before the two of them had gotten together, Cas had tossed and turned for hours. It had taken the third day of no sleep for Dean to notice, well, Sam was the one to point it out. The dark circles under Cas’ eyes and of course, the fact that he was nodding off, but would snap back up. Thankfully after stern persuasion on Dean’s part, Cas was able to finally work through his fear of it and let it just happen.

            So sleep became something of a pleasurable thing to Cas. Shutting down for a few hours and regaining energy. That was until he experienced his first nightmare.

           

            It had been a crazy week, two cases, one shapeshifter case and an easy cut and dry salt and burn ghost case. The ghost case of course was nothing, but it was the shapeshifter case that was lingering between the three hunters. Especially Cas. As the shifter had taken the image of Cas and had, in clear view of the ex-angel’s sight, who had been tied to a pipe, watched a version of himself beat Dean terribly, splitting his bottom lip and bloodying his face. If Sam had not arrived in time, Cas wasn’t sure what would have happened.

            A couple days in a crappy motel, some first-aid and Dean was recovering quickly, enough to return home to the bunker.

            Dean threw his bag to the floor as he and Cas entered their bedroom, “So glad to be home,” he huffed, falling backwards to the bed with an audible ‘oof’.

            “Dean, are you sure you are alright?” Cas’ brow was furrowed deeply, shrugging off his own jacket and draping it over the chair tucked by the desk.

            “Yeah, just need sleep in an actually comfortable bed, damn I get sick of those cement blocks they call beds in those dumps.” Dean huffed, eyes already closing.

            “Dean, you are not even undressed, you cannot sleep like that,” Cas smirked, worry still marring his face, he tugged Dean’s shoes off his feet. Then he was unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them past his hips and thighs and knees, dropping them to the floor. He leaned forward and kissed Dean on the mouth, then his cheek, his throat, smelling of cheap soap and leather, “Come on, sit up for me, get your shirt off.” He pulled him forward and shimmied the shirt up Dean’s stomach and then was freeing it from his torso, up and over his head.

            Dean groaned sleepily, “Thanks babe,”

            Cas smiled, urging Dean beneath the covers, shedding his own clothes quickly to join Deans’ warmth, trying to ignore the nagging in the back of his head, or the fact that he was uselessly shivering. But as soon as he was under the blankets and flush to Dean’s side, he relaxed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            _They were in the crypt. Dean kneeling in front of Cas, panting, bleeding, pleading, wrist gripped in Cas’ hand so firmly Dean yelped. In fact he’d nearly fallen forward. “Cas, Cas, please, Cas,”_

_But Cas wasn’t listening, his fist came down again, and again, and again. Blood, and swollen lips and swelling eyelids._

_Cas was there, that much he knew, and causing Dean pain, and there was a voice in the back of his mind screaming ‘no!’. But he couldn’t stop, and then the angel blade was in his hand, and it was raised high above his head. Dean’s crumbling, weak voice was crying out, and pleading. But he plunged the blade into Dean’s chest anyway, there was a wet gurgle and a spatting of blood. And worst of all. “Cas, I love you, I need you…why…”_

“Cas, Cas, Cas!” Dean’s voice broke through the horror.

            Cas launched up from the mattress, gasping desperately for air, face already wet with tears. His eyes painting the room, and then fell to Dean, who’s bottle green eyes were just as wide and fearful.

            “Hey, hey, it’s alright, just a bad dream,”

            “Dean,” Cas sobbed, and then in the same breath was shocked at the fact that he was sobbing without knowing why, not exactly that was.

            “Baby, it’s okay, you’re alright,” Dean soothed, both hands cupping Cas’ face, thumbs brushing away an endless streaming of tears.

            “I was hurting you,” Cas cried, biting his plump bottom lip, chest shuddering violently.

            “No, it wasn’t you, it wasn’t,” Dean argued.

            “I did hurt you, in the crypt, I hurt you,”

            “Sweetheart,” Dean huffed, kissing his sweaty forehead, “This was the shifter, right? That wasn’t you, it wasn’t you then and it wasn’t you in this case. I know you’d never do that if it were really you.”

            “Dean,” Cas sobbed even harder, “I love you, I would never hurt you willingly…never…”

            Dean gave a gentle smile, “I know that, you don’t even need to tell me, you haven’t had one of these have you, nightmares I mean,” he didn’t need an answer, he just knew, since they’d shared a bed almost every day since Cas became human.

            “No,” Cas hiccupped, and he fell forward against Dean’s chest, arms wrapping around him tightly, nuzzling desperately against his throat, “I love you.”

            “I know you do, I love you too, it was just a dream, doesn’t mean you need to prove anything to me, okay?” Dean reciprocated by wrapping his arms around Castiel tightly but carefully, he was bare chested but Cas was wearing one of his worn out t-shirts. He worked his fingers underneath the frayed cloth and pressed fingertips up and down his spine, counting the bumps, garnering goosebumps, “Cas, it’s okay,” he murmured once more when the trembling hadn’t ceased, “That was not you,” he spat firmly.

            “It could have been me,” Cas whimpered, he wanted the comfort Dean was providing but he still had that tingling of fear that he didn’t deserve it, that he should push away.

            “Stop,” Dean spat firmly, tugging him closer, kissing his forehead, then both cheeks, then his lips, working his mouth open to brush his tongue against Cas’ tongue. They stayed like that for sometime before Dean pulled away, “Get it in your head that it wasn’t you.”

            “I can’t, I don’t understand…why would I ‘nightmare’ something like that…I don’t like it…I-I do not wish to sleep again…”

            “Well baby, you’re human, you have to sleep, it won’t happen again. Okay?” Dean huffed a small laugh.

            “You can’t promise that,” Cas frowned.

            “Watch me,” Dean answered, he pulled Cas practically on top of him, pulling up his shirt completely to rub firm circles onto his back. All the while kissing his brow, his free hand threading through his thick, dark strands.

            “Dean…” Cas answered, voice still watery, and chest still hiccupping, the images of the nightmare cascading across his mind like wildfire.

            “Shhh,” Dean retorted, a whisper, almost a whistle.

            “Dean,” Cas tried again, he felt as if he might lose it once more, his chest trembling.

            Dean had him flush against his chest, the side table fan vibrating, he began to hum, low and careful. He wasn’t sure where the song came from, lyrics obscure and lost, but they fit and they were for Cas, and Cas alone, and before he could help himself he was singing, “If I had wings like Noah's dove I'd fly the river to the one I love. Well fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well”

            Cas tried to take a breath, he really did but it came up like a gulp and he nuzzled into the soft spot of Dean’s throat, his shuddering breaths mimicking cries, just short of sobs.

            Dean didn’t stop, cradling Cas close, lips against his flesh off and on, “Well I had a man who was long and tall. Who moved his body like a cannon ball. Well fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well.”

            “Cas, baby, my honey” Dean whispered with a kind of deliberation, lips against Cas’ jawbone, resting at his throat, “ _My Honey_. Go back to sleep, I’m here, I’m always gonna be here. Close your eyes.”

            Cas obeyed, against the swelling in his chest, the bubbling of cries at his lips, “I love you…” he said once more with ease.

            “I love you too,” Dean sighed, running careful fingertips through his already mussed hair, “No more bad dreams.”

            Cas inhaled sharply, and as soon as Dean drew the blanket around the two of them carefully situating the cloth, creating a cocoon of warmth he felt his eyes falling heavy and relaxed. “Close your eyes” Dean said softly

            Cas nodded and without even meaning to complied. There was a world of warmth and peace, he found himself falling deep into sleep, deeper than he had since becoming human.

             

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! I need reviews like one needs cupcakes!


	13. First Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas go on a date and are confronted with some sons of bitches, I'm not even gonna articulate their behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was hard to write, thank you Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel, one of her prompts from her 100 Cheesy Destiel Love Situations (read her stuff it is amazing) prompted this. It's angsty and feelsy and I hope you like it, please review!

It was date night. Thursday ended up being date night. He’d given Cas crap about being the angel of Thursday and that’s why he chose it. Cas had pouted in that adorable way of his at the idea of ‘angel-date-Thursday’ But Dean wouldn’t let up, and had convinced Cas that it was extra special. So here they were in some pretty trendy bar just outside Manhattan.

            “I’m teaching you to play pool, you wanted a bar-date, so rule of thumb, you gotta learn pool,” Dean smiled.

            “I suppose,” Cas replied, that ever existing confusion marring his blue eyes.

            “Okay, posture first, bend at the waist, there ya go,” he guided Cas in the position with a palm to the small of his back, “Position the cue, line it up and,” he had his hands, that had initially run down the soft skin of Cas’ arms, down to his wrists, and guided Cas when to punt the cue ball into the hole, “Shoot! Not bad!”

            “Well you are helping me Dean, I’m not exactly doing this on my own,” Cas argued, but wasn’t going to complain about the close proximity of Dean’s body against his own.

            “Sure you are,” Dean smirked, lips just behind his ear where he snuck a kiss, “Okay, now this second, you do not wanna sink the eight ball, the goal is….” He was distracted suddenly by non-subtle voices.

            “If we wanted this fag crap we would’ve gone to a gay bar, you two wanna keep it down?” some loud mouth frat boy said aloud.

            “Excuse me?” Dean growled, turning around, away from his ex-angel, hand still resting on his hip.

            “I said… _faggot_ crap…” the man repeated under his breath, turning back to his friends

            “Free fucking country shit head,” Dean snapped, “You got a problem then fucking leave.”

            And that seemed to be the end of it as the loud mouth blonde put his hands up, a smile of mocking dressing his face.

            “Dean, leave it alone,” Cas spoke softly, clutching at Dean’s elbow, “Come on, Dean please”

            Dean complied, he was only able to let it go as he saw the assholes leave the bard. So soon enough he and Cas were practicing their pool. They didn’t make it a point to excuse their physical touches, and when they garnered no more harassment they began to forget all about it.

            Cas excused himself to the bathroom, an hour had passed between the confrontation with the men so he thought nothing of it. He washed his hands in the worn basin, eye on the mirror in front of him. Cas ran his hands under the cold, sink water, eyes on the mirror as he took note of his own features. Something of human habit.

            “Hey there blue eyes,” a male voice arrived behind him.

            Cas jerked, turning around immediately and felt hands on his hips, “You put quite a show on with your boy toy, how’s about puttin’ a show on for me?”

            “Get your hands off me!” Cas snapped, shoving hard, which seemed to only have himself falling against the adjacent wall.

            Said man pinned Cas’ hand above his head, firmly and painfully by his wrists, “Oh, come on, you seemed pretty friendly out there with your man, who says we can’t have fun in here?”

            “He’s my soul mate, that’s the difference, let me go!” Cas grunted.

            “Come on, someone pretty like you, you can’t have just _one ‘soul mate’_?” the man pushed him against the wall, hips grinding against Cas’.

            “No!” Cas screamed so sharply, his heart and temples throbbing.

            “Get the fuck off of him!” Dean’s voice arrived, a fist meeting the face of the unwanted touch. And the weight was removed promptly against Cas’ torso. Cas almost collapsed, but instinct had him shoving violently against the body pressed against him. With the proper distraction he was able to knock the man to the adjacent wall with a loud thud.

            “Dean,” Cas started, trying to desperately catch his breath, a throbbing in his head arriving smartly due to being slammed against the bathroom wall.

            “You son of a bitch, fucking piece of shit! Don’t you EVER touch him again,” Dean snapped, “Cas, you okay?”

            “I’m fine,” Cas answered quickly, “I-I just want to go home,”

            Dean took a much needed breath, “Okay sweetheart, let’s go home, come on,” Dean reached out a hand, tugging Cas away from the grungy bathroom wall.

            “I better never see you again you piece of shit,” Dean repeated towards the man sprawled against the bathroom floor, he delivered a swift kick that sent the man groaning loudly once more

            “Dean…” Cas spoke softly.

            “It’s okay baby, get to the car, I’ll pay the tab and we’ll get home,” Dean answered.

            Cas nodded, taking a much needed breath, he exited the bathroom and it wasn’t long before he heard another retort.

            “So faggot, where’s your boyfriend?” a voice behind him made him jump.

            Swiftly Cas turned around to face the voice, “I would highly recommend you go back to your friends,” Cas spoke low.

            That same blonde from earlier in the evening was narrowing in, close into Cas’ space, “What are you gonna do about it, ya little bitch?”

            Dean was suddenly at his side, near red faced, fists clenched and already moving forward.

            “Dean, don’t,” Cas uttered, taking him by the elbow, “It isn’t worth it, these animals aren’t worth it.”

            “So we’re animals? I bet you’re the one that takes it up that ass, you are aren’t ya?” the second of the three was grinning, “Of course you do, because you’re the pretty one, look at you. All shy and quiet, you let your man take on a fight?”

            Dean could damn near feel the trembling in Cas’ limbs, what he didn’t expect was the deep, graveled, and terrifying tone arrive behind his previously calm demeanor, “You do not want to toy with either one of us, if you were at all smart, literate, I would say you’d turn and run now. But given that you are neither one of those things I will surmise you’ll give any reason to start a fight, whether that be against someone who threatens you physically or a person that threatens your questionable sexuality.”

            “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” that same blonde responded.

            “I am simply stating that more than one of you seemingly likes to ‘take it up the ass’ as you’ve claimed we enjoy, in your ever ‘redneck articulate manner’ And I am being very sarcastic, just to let you know. I do believe it was a most famous writer Oscar Wilde that wrote ‘me think thou dost protest too much’ I do believe you fit this category.”

            The man slammed tossed his beer to the concrete with a loud crash, “You fucking little shit,”

            “The more you want to fight the more this confirms my theory, that you do like men, if you were smart, any in the least you would walk away.” Cas growled, eyes narrowed, “So we can do one of two things, you can maintain your ‘straighteness’ by letting it all go and walking away or you can confess that you do indeed prefer men. Neither one will upset me to be quite honest but I’d much prefer to continue my date,” he stated so matter-of-factly the air fell silent as he slipped an arm around Dean’s waist. When none of the men made a move, only staring blankly, “That is what I thought. Dean?” he turned towards the wide-eyed face of his mate, “Shall we?”

            “Sure, yeah, let’s go,” Dean coughed, blinking repeatedly, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

            Cas was smiling, in that rare, tooth and gummy way, as soon as they were inside the Impala and driving away, “Next time, let’s do that ‘drive in movie’ thing again, huh? I have found I don’t like bars.”

            Dean found himself still blinking dumbly, “Yeah, babe, movie it is, Cas, seriously what was that?”

            “What was that?”

            “That?”

            “Yeah you had those fuckers completely stumped!” Dean chuckled.

            “Stupidity is not that hard to insult,” Cas smirked, kissing Dean firmly on the mouth, “Let’s go home please.” His tone suddenly subdued, “I’m not so sure I’m so in love with ‘date night’.”

            Dean frowned, “Cas,” he tugged him closer so their hips were against one another, “There are always gonna be assholes like that, don’t let it get to you. I want you on my arm, I want people to know you’re with me. No matter what assholes have a problem with it, got it?”

            Cas managed a small smile, “Okay,”

            “But for now, we’ll go back to the bunker, and you can watch anything you want,” Dean grabbed his chin and locked lips with his ex-angel, only momentarily taking his eyes off the road, “I’ll rub your back and you can pick anything you want.”

            Cas was really smiling now, he wetted his lips, “I-I love you Dean.”

            “Love you too baby,” Dean winked, “Come on let’s get home.”


	14. Cas' Forced Acceptance of Mortality.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas experiences his first failure at hunting and angst ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people, haven't written in this one in awhile. But came up with a new chapter, partially inspired with everything evil that is going on in this country. I write stuff like this to work out my own grief, it helps with the sadness in some weird way I don't understand.

Cas’ vision hazed, his consciousness waning, his head buzzing from being tossed across the room like a rag doll. He could hear the shouting above him, Dean’s voice above the screams and tainting smell of blood that permeated the air.

“Cas…Cas! You okay?” Dean’s face arrived in front of Cas’, he shook his head to clear his vision that was slowly returning.

“I think so,” Cas groaned, holding his head, eyes scanning the aging barn. He spotted Sam crouched on the ground over something or someone, “Did you find the family? Are they alright?”

“Parents are gone, little girl is real bad off, Cas,” Dean sighed, “I don’t think she’s gonna make it, we have an ambulance coming…”

“Let me see, let me see,” Cas stumbled up from the ground, legs shaky and head still spinning.

“Cas…” Dean started but Cas pushed him away.

He knelt to the ground, eyes painting over the limp form of the little girl. Out of pure habit he pressed two fingers to her forehead. Nothing. Of course nothing. He felt a swelling beginning to build in his chest.

“Cas,” Sam whispered, brow buckling, “She’s gone.”

“No, she was standing when we got here, she was on her feet what happened?” Cas gulped.

“We weren’t fast enough, there were more vamps then we thought.” Dean answered solemnly, he pressed a hand to his shoulder but Cas slapped it away. He turned on his heels and walked out of the barn.

Dean turned to Sam, “Damnitt.”

“Did you see what he did?” Sam spoke softly, “Tried to use his mojo.”

Dean scrubbed his face with both hands, “Shit, yeah I saw that. You okay to wrap it up with the police? I better go find him. I’ll meet you back at the motel.”

“Sure Dean, go ahead, I’ll get a ride with one of the cops.” Sam turned back to the crumpled body of the little girl. It was always hard losing someone, but kids were when it got really hard. And of course this would be the first time Cas lost someone on a hunt.

 

Dean found Cas leaning against the trunk of Baby, arms crossed tightly across his chest, face stony and serious, “Cas, hey, let’s get outta here huh?” he reached out a hand in hopes Cas would take it, but he didn’t. He rounded the car and slid into the passenger’s side without another word.

“How about we get a drink?” Dean offered, turning the key in the ignition.

Cas’ empty gaze was outside the window, he contemplated for a few seconds more before uttering softly, “Alright.”

“Bar it is,” Dean nodded, pulling out onto the main road.

 

Dean chose the bar one block from their motel room, and settled them in a booth. They sat in an uncomfortable silence, a silence that Dean knew that this was a ‘do not touch me’ situation. Often when Cas got in a mood he would side step any kind of touch. But this time it seemed worse. Their waitress came to the table and distributed two beers and two shots. Dean gave his thanks and surveyed the troublesome demeanor of his partner, “Cas…”

Cas stared at the drinks as if they offended him, but when Dean said his name once more he downed the shot in one gulp, chasing it down with a grimace with the beer.

Dean’s eyes widened momentarily, “Easy Cas.”

“No, I want more,” he growled, panting as the burning glow of the alcohol trickled down his throat and warmed his stomach.

“You need to pace yourself, you never drink. You never have since the whole human thing.” Dean warned.

“Do not tell me what to do Dean, if I wish to drink, then I will drink. And you don’t need to remind me all the damn time that I’m fucking human.” He grabbed his beer as he shoved up from the booth and went to the bar lined with stools.

Another first, Dean thought, Cas rarely cursed. Hadn’t, not like this. He already knew what was going on in Cas’ head though. He’d finally failed in saving someone and there had been nothing he could do about it. When he’d pressed two fingers to that child’s forehead, Dean’s heart broke in two. Dean sat for a few moments longer, giving Cas a little space before he dragged him away from the bar.  The man was gonna get drunk and there was little he could do to stop it.

“Cas,” Dean sidled up next to him at the bar, pulling out a stool, “Hey, look at me.”

Reluctantly Cas turned his head, he didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted to get numb.

“I know you’re upset; it always sucks when we lose someone…”

“I do not wish to talk about it,” Cas snapped, throwing back another drink.

“Okay, that’s enough, you’re gonna get sick,” Dean scolded, “You can’t slam whiskey like it’s water.”

“You do!”

“Yeah, but I have a tolerance, you don’t have jack shit, now come on.” Dean put cash to the countertop and slid it towards the bartender, “Come on,” he tugged Cas up and out of his seat, and as predicted he swayed. Dean swung one of Cas’ arms over his shoulders and put his own arm around Cas’ waist. Of course Cas was resisting, “Cas, quit it! You’re gonna fall on your ass.”

“I don’t care!” Cas’ speech was now slurring, perhaps four shots in a row had been a bad idea.

“Well, I do!” Dean spat back, he dug for his hotel key and unlocked the door, he tossed the key on the side table and maneuvered Cas to the bed. Cas sat down onto it with an over dramatic plop, like a pouting child.

Dean was about to chastise him, but then he noticed far too quickly the trembling of his bottom lip, and the glassy nature of his eyes. He sat on the bed across from him, resting his elbows on his knees, leaned slightly forward, “Cas, hey, can you look at me?” when he did Dean continued, “That wasn’t your fault, there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about that. I know it hurts. It hurts me too…”

“I could have done something if I wasn’t this,” Cas interrupted, hands out in a sweeping motion, “I could have healed her if I had not been THIS.”

“That’s not your fault either,” Dean said, he was relieved that Cas allowed him to take one of his hands, he circled a thumb over the top in hopes of executing some kind of comfort.

“Yes it is,” he hiccupped, his chin hit his chest and the cries he’d been able to keep at bay at the crime scene, were let loose with the consumption of alcohol. He felt the bed dip beside him and then he was in Dean’s arms, “It makes me think of other things as well.”

“What’s that?” Dean spoke softly, continually running one hand over his back, the other combing through his dark hair.

“I no longer…” a cry popped up stealing his speech, “I no longer have the ability to heal you…or Sam…I will lose you. One day you will get gravely hurt and there will be nothing I can do about it.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Not anytime soon Cas, okay?” Dean kissed his temple, pulling away far enough to kiss him on the mouth.

Cas couldn’t help it, he was crying, deep painful heaving sobs, and Dean swallowed up the cries with his perfect mouth. And then he was simply holding him, tight, gently rocking them back and forth.

“It’s okay Cas, you’re okay, we’re all okay.” Dean repeated like a prayer, horrified at Cas’ lost control, his attention was drawn away by the opening of the motel door. When Sam’s eyes fell on them he frowned, he shrugged off his FBI jacket and motioned to Dean without words, asking. _What happened?_

“Little too much to drink and a rough night, good combo for a melt-down,” Dean replied.

Sam sat down on the other side of Cas and laid a hand to his back, “I know it’s rough Cas, we sometimes lose’em, that’s just part of the job description I’m afraid.”

Sam was promptly quieted when Cas launched away from Dean and threw his arms around Sam, “Cas, it’s okay,” Sam hurriedly added, patting his back, “It’s okay.”

Dean exhaled roughly, he let them hug it out a minute or so before he sat up, “Cas, let’s get to bed huh? Things’ll be better in the morning.” He put both hands to Cas’ shoulders and it didn’t take much to dislodge him from Sam.

“I’m gonna go get cleaned up,” Sam sighed, lightly patting the side of Cas’ face who was upturned at him, eyes still tearing.

Dean waited until Sam was in the bathroom to start undressing Cas, and Cas just let him, head still hung low and chest hiccupping still, “Boxers and T-shirt okay?”

Cas nodded wordlessly as Dean removed his boots and pants.

“Okay, in ya go,” Dean pulled back the comforter and sheets folded tightly beneath the lumpy mattress, he had to bodily lead Cas into bed. Dean undressed quickly as well and slid next to the man still sniffling.

 

Sam finished up in the bathroom, washing his face and changing into sleep pants and shirt. From the cracked bathroom door, he could still hear Dean speaking in a tone he remembered so well from childhood. One he used when Sam was sick, or was asking ‘where was dad?’ or ‘what happened to mom?’. He could plainly hear that Cas was still crying softly, alcohol had a way of making the tears hard to stop, but Dean was not deterred.

“Cas, sweetheart, stop crying, it’s okay. Everything’s okay, it’ll be better tomorrow I promise.” Sam glanced briefly from the doorway, and Dean was brushing away tears that seemed to stream endlessly into his dark hair line, “Okay?”

He was sure Cas must have nodded because then Dean was saying, “Come’re,” in that same soft, gentle tone. One that seemed to be saved only for Cas nowadays. Same waited for the quiet and then re-entered the room.

“He gonna be okay?” Sam asked as he turned the switch on the tiny oscillating fan they brought everywhere with them. Cas couldn’t sleep in complete silence, they’d found that out pretty damn quick. With his angel radio gone, the absence of sound terrified him. He’d never really let on but Dean knew better

Dean frowned, “I don’t know Sammy. I thought he would have figured this all out by now, ya know, losing people.” He whispered, he glanced down at the sleeping bundle to his chest, breaths deep and jumpy from crying so hard, “I didn’t think it would hit him like this. And then he always turns stuff like this into losing us.”

“He’s never been completely out of control of a situation. This is foreign to him; I hate to say it but it’s gonna take him longer to get used to it all. I mean he was an angel for Godsakes. You don’t just accept that fully in the course of a few months.” Sam sat onto his own bed and got underneath the covers.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean paused, threading fingers through Cas’ mussed hair, “Just wish I could make it easier for him.”

“You are making it easier, right now. He has you and that’s what’s gonna get him through it.” Sam smiled softly.

“I hope so.” Dean’s mouth was still down turned in worry.

“I know so. Night Dean.” Sam said turning the light off, pillowing the room in darkness.

“Night Sammy.” Dean held on closer, if that were even humanely possible and buried his nose in Cas’ soft mop. He hoped he was right, that it would be better in the morning. That it would all be better in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review! And please, if you have an idea I will write it up best I can! <3 "mwah!"


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